Close encounters of the worse kind: Please god save me for I have arrived to hell...

Since this is going to be the first entry narrating my 'adventures' in my road to hell, I'd better begin explaining a couple things.

1)I've decided to write this journal because I usually bitch complain too much about my life and copying and pasting all my bitchness from window to window on irc is NO FUN at all.

2)I've decided to write it in English because...you never know. My students may be dumb but they know about the wonders of 'babelfish' so... yeh.

3)I have nothing against lesbians, gay people, bisexuals, etc, and I'm NOT making fun of them.

Yadda yadda yadda...

Ha-ha-ha Finally!, after 5 years I've become an entrapped soul English Teacher.
However as every decent citizent in any 'civilised country', I have to endure first 'The professional practise', which is according to -me- like a College initiation without the alcohol, i.e pure shit.

So, after weeks of sleepless nights, headaches, stomaches, and every other ache you may suffer from for thinking too much before going to the unknown, I am forced decide to go to **censored** and show my curriculum.

I chose **censored** for 2 reasons:First, because it is one of the best schools here (or I thought it was, we'll get to that later) and since my teaching experience equals CERO, my mother pushed me against the wall told me in a nice voice that doing my professional practise in an important place was fundamental for my future.

Mothers...

In the begining I felt as if God loved me though, for after staring at the papers I got from my teachers doing some research, the ultimate best school of Chile is here, in Santiago and I only needed to take the subway, which is a thousand times better than any other mean of transport here and cheaper, to arrive and being the lazy hen I am of course I has happy as hell.

Till I got there.

The woman who I talked to was a bipolar bitch with some weird hairdo who ended up saying the most hideous phrase in the hystory of human kind: 'we'll call you back' (it didn't help my mom had decided to go with me...and let's say that going with your mom to an interview is NOT a good idea)

However, bipolar bitch actually called me back!, after I called her twice...(and my mom called her once) and I had to pray a couple times, and fight with some other classmate because she wanted to go to the same school and according to her, she was going to be the ONLY person sent by the university to that school and that they had already sent a letter with her name on it.

In the end, I think someone in heaven must still love me (that or the Devil is too busy making all my sister's friends break up with their boyfriends to pay attention to poor old me) because when I went to the meeting, university whore wasn't there -ha-ha- and on top of that I found out that some other guy I knew was there too so I didn't feel so lonely surrounded by students from UCSH (some crappy good for nothing private university).

Now comes the 'good part'.

The thing is the meeting began at 9:00 am, and bipolar bitch went around asking everybody if they had any day they couldn't go to school, since we were all working in our thesis, but my turn never came. She decided I was going to work with the head of the English the department (holy shit) and that I was going to work in the afternoon (what the heck??). Of course you can imagine what happened when I said 'but I can't on Friday, I have to work on my thesis that day!', being the bipolar bitch she was she said: 'it's the only option you have', while she told to another classmate she could have 2 teachers to supervise her is she had problems with her schedule *insert smiley face here*.

$#€%@&!!
In the end I had to accept, because I was still mad for what had happened with university whore, and because bipolar bitch was trying to make me quit, and I'm _not_a quiter, I may be lazy as hell, but not a quiter, no sir!.

Bipolar bitch gives a 1 hour and a half speech which I am not going to write but I'd like to point out some 'interesting' things that caught my attention:

1)You may not let the students go to the bathroom at the same time because we have lots of lesbians at school and they go to the bathrooms to have sex.
2)We support our lesbian girls but we don't allow them stay at school till too late in the afternoon because they harass the smaller ones.
3)The classroom is not a beauty saloon nor a casino.

So around 1:00 pm bipolar bitch finishes her speech and says she is going to introduce us to our instructors but then she says I have to wait till 2:00 pm because that's the time my instructor arrives and proceeds to leave with all my other workmates.

Luckily one of the girls stays behind and I find out she is from my university as well and that she is an ex-student from that school, so I go and ask her 'hey is it true about the lesbian thing'?, and she goes and says 'but of course, actually I had a couple classmates that were kicked out of school because they were too over the top, but they complained to the authorities and they were on tv too'.

...

The thing is my instructor never arrived, and I waited and waited for nothing. Then I go and ask bipolar bitch, once she came back, if she could sign my authorization because on friday I had to have all my documents ready. So she began signing all the other authorizations first, when she signed mine I was so happy I totally forgot I needed a stamp on it too so she took all the other papers but mine. When I realised what had happened she got furious and she said if I wanted it I had to go back on Friday.

I went on Friday and she seemed to be in a better mood, so she gave me my authorization. Then some little girl talked to her about some pregnant student and bipolar bitch said: You are wearing make up!, and the little girl gives her a kiss and leaves happily. So much for her 'no beauty saloon' policy.
I asked her then if I had to begin on Monday with my practise, since I had not idea who my instructor was (actually I did know because I went with my workmates to the 4th floor just to meet her and when the little lesbians saw me and began calling her we ran away cackling), so bipolar bitch says: NO, I have to introduce you first!, so come back a 5:00 today, I looked at my clock

12:30 pm

$#€%@&!!

So I go to university, fill in all the papers and shit, go back to my house, ate a salad and go back running to the friggin' school.

Bipolar bitch makes me wait 15 minutes because she was doing I don't know what and then we go to meet my supervisor...hm...not yet. First she introduces ANOTHER girl who arrived I don't know when so I have to wait for another 15 minutes and then I finally get to know my boss.

She seemed to be a nice woman (but I won't trust faces anymore) and was quite proud of being the only one working with songs in english (geez), she studied at UMCE as well and we had the same teachers (yeh my teachers smell like cemetery). She made me introduce myself to her class which is not the one I'm supposed to help...but what the heck, so I went and said: Hi girls how are you!, and I waved my hand, and they giggled and waved their hands back to me. My heart melt.
Of course much later my boss said I didn't have to be too friendly or they were going to kill me and stuff, but we'll see that tomorrow.